6. 5. 2013

Worst thing at all.

To be in love is actually very painful. Don't really know where came that stereotype about people with hearts instead of eyes, dreaming all day long and looking obviously happy from. When I'm in love, I dream a lot, too. But every single time when I remind you, or every single time something in the world around me remind me something about you, I'm in terrible pain.

It's a weird pain. Kind of orgasmic. It's that opposite feeling of butterflies in your stomach. They're there, but it's different. It's more like a massive hole than butterflies. It's like nothing at all. Never ending space full of pain and desires that didn't happened.

And it's all because of you. It's all your fault. It's your fault you're such a beautiful in face. It's your fault you're such a busy man, it's all your fault that you don't really care about me, that you don't take me serious enough. It's your fault that I love you and it's also your fault that I'm lost in this moment, full of agony, full of tears which are so honest like nothing in life can be.

I believe to these tears. Until last moment this emotional breakdown happened, I wasn't very sure about how deep my love can be. And - again - thanks to you - I finally found out. It's deeper than I expected. But you're such dick, I can tell you!
There's one fucking thing, one single fucking thing, and you are screwing it up. Everything positive which was built, thanks to our participation is gone. From minute to minute. Just because theres something which made you upset or you're tired or whatever. Than it's all my fault. Than I'm not honest enough. Than I'm egotist.
Why for? Because I love you? Because I really care when I will finally see you again? Is that egotistic?

Maybe yes. Maybe nobody taught me how to love someone. I'm doing it all wrong, like every single time and you're just a genius. Why not, I can acquiesce with this role in my life, like many times. This is not the worst thing at all.

The worst thing is how fucking much I love you. You can't even imagine.

1. 5. 2013

Question of love.

Z filozofického hlediska může být láska lidskou ctností. Z emocionálního hlediska je láska nic jiného než náklonnost k někomu, který jí většinou má k někomu jinému. Milujeme se všichni navzájem a právě kvůli tomu se nenávidíme. Každý milujeme. I já teď někoho miluju. A klasicky to není ten, koho bych milovat měl. Milujeme špatné lidi, je to v naší genetický výbavě.